By Gwen on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:37 am:

Just a little note to say how much I appreciate the humour that people display on this forum. For most of us this seems to be one of our very basic survival
mechanisms. I know that if I couldn't see the funny side of of some of the things that I have experienced I'm sure I would have attempted suicide. In September last
year I was sent for a Functional Capacity Examination, with a view to getting me back to full time work. (Yet again my insurance providers are trying to get me off
their books) The physiotherapist who did the examination commented at the time on how strong my grip was, way above average for a woman of my age. Less than
a month later my wrists and thumb joints were so painful I was unable to even squeeze my plastic dishwash container. All I could do was giggle and think, "If only
he could see me now" Fortunatelt things have improved somewhat but my thumb joints (where they join my hand) are still subluxating and need a good tweak to
realign them. The thought did occur to me that it's as well mens' penises don't subluxate!

By Jonathan B on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:38 am:

Hi gwen
we all appreciate a good tweak evey now and then.

By Gwen on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:38 am:

Hope Keryn knows that!

By Andrea on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:39 am:

Hi Gwen

I have just read your comment on the human sense of humour. As you may recall from what I wrote on this Bboard about my condition(s) and the way I had been
treated I must admit that laughing about it has not even crossed my mind - yet. So I am hoping that one day I will learn how to do that.

My rheumatologist once mentioned the word "loss", and it is now gradually dawning on me that I have even lost the memory of what it feels like not to be in pain
and not to wake up in the morning feeling hung over. But it is not only this kind of loss that I find so difficult to live with, it is the sheer embarassement of not
being able to do normal things any more, of not being able to cope. And I cannot see the funny side of that.

Please do not take this in any way as criticism. I admire you for having (developed) the ability to laugh about your condition. But since this Bboard has become now
my only lifeline I feel I am allowed to say how I feel.

Thanks - Andrea

By Beth on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:39 am:

I hope for your sake that you DO find out how to laugh at it. If you don't then how can you ward off depression? Laughter is the great healer. That wasn't just a
commedian trying to make a buck. It is true. I have been treated for depression most of my life and when I learned ot laugh at falling for no reason, dropping things
just because, and the pain whenever I was a happier person and in turn I made other's happy.

I don't have the problems with depression like I used to. I don't sit and cry for hours. I don't sit and feel sorry for myself.

I have 3 kids that depend on me. One has Down Syndrome, she is trached. Her story is at this page:

http://www.twinenterprises.com/trach/trachkids/kids2/brittany.htm

She has went through far more than I. She still laughs. She can find the humor. The difference is she never LOST the laughter. It is inherent in children with Down
Syndrome. I learned alot from her.

Hugs, this is by no means a lecture but food for thought. ;o)

By Andrea on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:40 am:

Hi everybody

Thank you for your food for thought on laughter. Since it has been suggested to me that I am suffering from depression maybe I am going to have to start accepting
it. However, my GP has put me on amitriptyline (spelling?) for my sleeping problems once before and the effect was rather surprising: I got as kigh as a kite, could
not sleep at all any more, in fact I could not even relax and yawn any more! So I was taken off the medication after three weeks, probably also because I had passed
out and sprained my ankle and pulled the Achilles tendon.

I think with regard to the outside world not appreciating what we are going through I have recently discovered that nobody notices that I pull myself together and
make an effort to conceal the pain and the exhaustion. But God help me if I don't! I do not even get asked what's the matter with me, I actually get criticised for
being in a bad mood, for not pulling myself together, for not making an effort. And this from people who know about my condition like my husband. Am I trying
too hard? And if so, what am I doing wrong? Am I perhaps expecting too much from others? I certainly never expected any-one to say thank you but a little support
goes a long way - as you all know.

Regards - Andrea

By Gwen on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 02:40 am:

Andrea, everything you say is true! And Yes, you have every right to say it. We suffer the same sort of "loss" and go through the same grieving process as people
who have had a bereavement. There are several stages one has to go through before one comes to accept ones loss, whatever sort of loss it is. A very good author on
the subject of grieving is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, particularly her book "Death and Dying". Coming to terms with any sort of loss is not easy and I think it is all the
more difficult for people like us who have no visible sign of loss. Relicts of the deceased have visible proof of their loss, as do amputees etc., whereas we mostly
look well and don't elicit the same degree os sympathy from others. Not that this is to belittle other types of loss but it is easier for onlokers to identify with it. I
don't know that I have necessarily dealt with my loss. I have been on Prozac for several years and still suffer bouts of reactive depression which are very hard on my
family. I must say my family are wonderful! Have never once doubted me and been incredibly supportive. I suppose I have always had a well-defined sense of the
ridiculous, which stands me in good stead. In the early stages when I was tearing around like a blue-tail fly trying to find out what was causing my pain and getting
rejection after rejection from doctors who said it was all psychological I certainly couldn't see anything funny about it but sixteen years down the track and having
gained greater personal insight into my disorder, even if I still have to deal with pig-ignorant doctors, I am able to be more detached, most of the time anyway!!
One of the most liberating events for me was attending a Pain Clinic course. It enabled me to critically analyse my situation, assess my priorities and empowered me
to be able to say, "I'm not Superwoman, I can no longer do all the things I could previously" and it helped me set priorities in my life. It also helped me develop the
courage to stand up to my compensation providers who are still trying to get me back into full-time employment.
Things certainly aren't perfect. I still get bad attacks of the "Why me"s, take to my bed and howl my eyes out. I'm scared about my future. How will I cope with pain
when I have all the tribulations of old age heaped on top of it. I'm shit-scared of having to go into a nursing home and am a firm believer in voluntary euthanasia. I
even have my contingency kit should I decide to take that step and have left instructions with my lawyer that I do not want any heroic measures made to revive me in
the event of serious illness or accident. So you see Andrea, I'm not really all that together. Maybe laughter is my means of denial as well as my crutch. Hugs, Gwen

By Andrea on Saturday, June 03, 2000 - 03:17 am:

Hi everybody

Thank you for your food for thought on laughter. Since it has been suggested to me that I am suffering from depression maybe I am going to have to start accepting
it. However, my GP has put me on amitriptyline (spelling?) for my sleeping problems once before and the effect was rather surprising: I got as kigh as a kite, could
not sleep at all any more, in fact I could not even relax and yawn any more! So I was taken off the medication after three weeks, probably also because I had passed
out and sprained my ankle and pulled the Achilles tendon.

I think with regard to the outside world not appreciating what we are going through I have recently discovered that nobody notices that I pull myself together and
make an effort to conceal the pain and the exhaustion. But God help me if I don't! I do not even get asked what's the matter with me, I actually get criticised for
being in a bad mood, for not pulling myself together, for not making an effort. And this from people who know about my condition like my husband. Am I trying
too hard? And if so, what am I doing wrong? Am I perhaps expecting too much from others? I certainly never expected any-one to say thank you but a little support
goes a long way - as you all know.

Regards - Andrea