By kay on Tuesday, May 01, 2001 - 12:13 pm:

Everyone here seems so knowledgeable! I just found this site because of frustrations with the doctors in my area. I have been to several different ones:orthopedic, neurologist and regular gps and no one seems to know what to do with me. One of them recommended a PTherapist who recognized me with hypermobility in SI and hips/pelvis. Like many here, my hips and SI slip out all the time. This started 12 years ago right before I got married. I had a normal sex life before this began and planned to have children but I never seemed stong enough physically to have one. Every year I would have back problems several times in the year and sex just kept getting put on the back burner because of my problems. I thought we were having marital troubles and off and on I have been very depressed thinking it was my husband(who didn't want to hurt me)or me wanting to have sex but scared I was going to end up hurt. Finally this last year, 12 years after our marriage started I went to this therapist and have gotten at least some help but no cure as you all know. Anyway while struggling with the doctors is one thing I am working on, sex and our marriage is another. Does anyone have any advice as to how to have sex without getting hurt or being in so much pain after and for the next few days? Any imput would be appreciated!

By Jane on Tuesday, May 01, 2001 - 12:25 pm:

Kay,
I have a similar problem. My hips and SI joints dislocate freely; for me the problem is in opening my legs. I can basically rotate my leg outward as far as I like -- doing myself damage of course -- but my body just won't stop me. So for me, dangerous sex positions are those in which my legs are open, and I'm putting weight -- or he's putting weight -- on my legs and hips. I try to keep to positions where my legs are closed, or where my hip position is not extreme. I wish there was a miracle cure; in my experience the best I can do is to listen to myself, watch my hip position, cross my fingers, and do my best not to blame myself if I wind up getting hurt. Trial and error, I guess. Good luck in your search, and you're definitely not alone on this one.

By Mickey on Tuesday, May 01, 2001 - 02:41 pm:

Hello Kay, sorry to hear about your frustration, but there are many ways that you can still enjoy a full sex life with your husband.A really good position for problems with hips is "spoons", whereby you both lay on your side with him behind you. This allows you to still be close in every sense and not just physically keeping you both emotionally content aswell. As for the rest, that is down to trial and error, a good reason to keep the flame burning, "we must experiment more because of my health", can you beat it!! I hope that this helps.

By kay on Wednesday, May 02, 2001 - 08:38 am:

Thanks for the support! I guess experimenting is the best way but so far I end up hurt and not able to function for a couple of days and I try to hide this from my husband but that just adds more stress to both of us. We have cut down to 1 or 2 tries a year because it takes me so long to recover. I wonder how any of you work at a job? I haven't worked now for quite a while and as soon as I think I feel good of course I do more and then end up hurt! It doesn't help that the doctors think I am crazy and one even said that I was going to just have to deal with my hip which seems to disslocate the most just when trying to walk down the sidewalk. He said "no problem" just get to a place and pop it back in", I would like to see him walking down the sidewalk when his hip pops out and limping his way to a ledge or car and laying down and getting in neutral and try to pop with a dress on or whatever! Not likely to happen. Anyway I am just rambling because I have had no one to talk to about this for over 10 years and now that there are people who understand, I just can't help myself.
Thanks for listening!

By Gwen on Wednesday, May 02, 2001 - 03:23 pm:

Kay, a position my husband and I find works is to both lie facing each other with our legs crossed over each others, like an X shape. The only real pressure is on the leg I have sandwiched between his ones and it's not really a problem.
I know it's a dated book by now, but have you looked in "The Joy of Sex"? I seem to recall there were some pretty inventive positions in that when were giggling over it in the 70s. One of these may be comfortable for you.

By Emma on Thursday, May 03, 2001 - 04:12 am:

Kay,

I too have the same problem, have quite serious HMS in both hips & S.I. joints. It often is a painful experience, and sometimes I don't want to do it because of tiredness. I know this sounds awful, or a bit crude, but "doggy style" is quite a comfortable position, as the legs can almost stay together.

Hope this helps

By m on Saturday, May 05, 2001 - 08:09 am:

Emma, I can't say I agree with you. For me it usually makes something go really wrong deep in my lower back, 'on impact'. It's a rather nauseating kind of pain.

By kay on Saturday, May 05, 2001 - 09:02 am:

Thanks everyone! I have tried that once and I too ended up with lower back pain. But that doesn't mean things don't change so I could try again. I guess fear comes into play more than anything and how can you enjoy that? I haven't been diagnosed with anything except some hypermobility in hips and SIJoints and the Drs act like that is nothing and will go away. I have tailbone problems that they don't know what to do with either! It gets so old haveing to keep asking questions and searching for answers, like I went to Med school. Oh well, I am hanging in there for now!

By Lisa on Saturday, February 09, 2002 - 03:59 am:

I know exactly what you are all talking about! A position which might be helpful is your partner sitting on a sturdy chair, with his legs spread slightly, you on top,with your back to him. This way you can keep your legs closed, there is a lot of body contact, and you or he (or both) can stimulate your erogenous zones at the same time.
Good Luck!